It's all good while it lasted

Am I being difficult?

I don't know really. Perhaps I am. But somehow it just seems thoughtless to treat a friend in such a way as well. I was contemplating whether or not to just let it all go and don't take it personally but somehow I just couldn't. Not this time. I don't want to fret about what happened. After all, it is in the past. I guess I'm just human and I cared too much to allow this to just pass like that. So sue me.

Somehow I just can't help feeling dissapointed. Maybe I was still looking for the friend which I thought was once there, and in a way still waiting for him to appear again. Is that person really still in there? Despite the clear signs, i still have that confusing feeling of uncertainty seeping in through all the tiny loop holes which I had created. You once did admit that you stopped caring after you knew that you had your other half. Maybe I am now in that category as well; the-once-a-friend group.

It's just difficult for me to go on being a supportive friend. Should I just quit or should I go on in this road which is leading to nothingness? At this point, I really don't know. This is after all, not the first time I'm experiencing this. It has happened one too many times. Love does indeed makes people selfish. Want to or not, you had a choice; but yes, I was very dissapointed indeed as a friend, that you chose otherwise.

I had gone through this and I should only know too well how to handle it, for I did survive everytime it happens. So what was it again the step which I took? Should I just follow the old remedy? Which was to just stop caring so much, for it only hurts worse when you cared too much; and just allow time to heal everything. But the thing which is causing me to be on fences is that I'm not sure if I want things to result the same as it had with the others? Whereby I just stopped caring and only listen whenever they needed someone to talk to. Being nothing but a listener, and stop investing anymore feelings. The thing is that once it has taken place, it's hard for me to reverse the effects then.

Am I being selfish? I really don't want to think about it. There's enough things in life to worry about and this is just not one of them which should be on the list. Afterall, I'm just doing what's best for myself at this moment; just like what you're doing. So it's all fair. Everyone's just protecting their own interest. Perhaps that's it. There's nothing left to be said and done.

Remember the game of hop-scotch?
The game we used to play together?
At the playground where our mom's watched out while talking to each other.

You once told me,
"I want to play with you forever;
because you are the most challenging player!"

From May up till September,
Our challengers were always each other;
It felt like it could all go on like that forever.

Then around came October,
We all met Bobby, who also came with his mother;
And who knew, who turned out to be an even better hop-scotcher.

After that you stopped dialing my number,
At the playground i'll just watch from a corner;
Playing from four to five with Bobby, the mvp hop-scotcher.

Then on the 7th of November,
You invited me to play with you, I remember;
The day when Bobby had to stay at home from a sprained shoulder.

You then ignored me for the whole month of December,
And played again in January with each other;
When Bobby went to the finals with his team from the little league of rounders.

Mom said that you now have a new friend,
She said I should get mine as well;
I'm not so sure, I just don't feel like playing at the playground any longer.

I can't stop rhyming. Now I know I've completely lost it.