Friday, September 26, 2008

Alanis Morissette - You Learn

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

Saturday, September 20, 2008

when i first saw you

i think it's funny how some people choose to live a life of hypocrisy. is it so hard to just let the truth out? or perhaps just tell a person what you really think, instead of talking one thing and acting another.

and the funniest is when a person is not even put in that position in the first place, but then 'volunterily' put themselves into that situation and pretend to be all into it. i dont know whether to feel sad for them for stooping so low and bringing the term 'pathetic' to a whole new level, or just pass them off as being... well, simply funny?

this life and the people living in it sure never ceases to amaze me.


Friday, September 19, 2008

cold mornings

sleep deprivation and nicotine is not good they say.

i run my fingers along the row of books.




i miss the feeling of rolling words on my tongue. blunt. crisp. its all too familiar.

its cold. so cold. but i refuse to give in. id rather just put on the green sweater. a weird mixture of detergent and fabric softener. your scent is no longer there.

sometimes i regret for washing it. but it was too painful to leave it lingering. i know how stubborn and bad i am when it comes to nostalgic things like this. i want to store all that reminds me of you in a dusty shoe box. i do. badly. but i know its harmful. it wont make a difference. you wont be coming back. youre there while im still here. as we know it. life.

i miss waking up to your quiet breathings. but you were never at peace. not even in your sleep. there was always a worried face. waking up by your side always reminds me of the dreamcatcher in my bedroom. what is in your head? the boogeyman? or those lonely christmas we promised would never come again?

but we both knew. we were never good with keeping promises. how much ive missed you.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

how much longer?

so much had happened in this short period of time. at times i really wish that i could just give up on all this. just turn my back on all this. just pack up and leave.

no matter how much i try to just shut my eyes and ears on all that is going on, its almost impossible. i cant stand there and just see people i care about getting hurt this way. i hate being in this kind of situations. i hate knowing anything. i hate being there but wishing that i werent. i hate that im not strong enough to say that enough is enough.

sometimes i would rather choose to be selfish. then perhaps i wouldnt be in this situation.

i did try. i really did. i tried to shut my ears but the knocks on the door is just too much at times. no matter how long the songs are playing it still cant completely drown those knocks. then i hear it getting softer. so faint that i have to strain my ears to make sure if its still there. it is. its faint but its existence is too visible to be ignored.

its scary to think how ones irresponsible decision could cause so much chaos amongst their friends. its strong enough to even bring strain among the strongest of bonds.

after that night when i realized that theres only so much one can do to help, i thought that things would start to look up. but then it hasnt. apparently some people just dont get it.

as i was looking at the rolled up paper burn my troubled mind away, i realized that perhaps its time to stop. call me selfish, but i need to watch out for myself just like what the others are doing. theres no point getting hurt for nothing. there really isnt any logic in that. and i dont think its really worth all those sleepless nights.

i just hope that im doing the right thing. perhaps this is whats best for me and my sanity.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

hop bunny hop!

im so pissed that im literally lost for words! how do i put this down? its as if im fucking pissed and yet im pissed at myself for even feeling pissed! seriously i have to stop being so immature at times. but then that swig which burned my throat on its way down told me that it was okay to hate people sometimes. it was like the little brown bunny. im just following it back into its little hiding where people splash each other with sins and smoked on unfiltered cigarettes. it all looks so lovely from up here. maybe i'll just take a quick peek and leave. just a really quick one. count to ten and i'll be out of there!

one.. two.. three.. four.. five.. six.. seven.. eight.. nine.. ten.. eleven.. twelve.. thirteen lil bunnies.. fourteen lil bunnies.. fiften lil bunni....

i knew that i should never be trusted around them brown bunnies.