Unsent Letter

Long have I contemplated whether or not to write this. Since I found it almost impossible to do this face to face, perhaps it would be best to just leave this to typing.

Things have indeed been strange between us. You might've realized it, but I understand if you didn't. I don't know. Being your friend has taught me to not expect much from you for it always leads to dissapointment and despair.

I'm not the type who is good at explaining myself, even more so when I don't find that it would have much affect. Especially on a person like you. Everything seems to have the need of a medium now. It's just impossible to make myself talk to you anymore. I don't find it necessary to have a middle man actually, but somehow the one who cared just didn't find it comfortable with how things are going on and so was indirectly put in this situation.

I used to think that you've changed much, but after much thought, realized that perhaps I was wrong. Maybe this IS the real you. Not giving much thought about things that you find unimportant. So I decided that perhaps all these while I was looking for something that never actually existed. I was probably too caught up in my own world that I just didn't see this coming, when in fact it had already been there from the very beginning.

There had been so much self-inflicted pain and dissapointment that I finally decided that enough is enough. I would understand if you put me off as being selfish and all that. Fact is that I've managed to slowly get over the worrying of you thinking of me as that. It doesn't really matter much to me anymore at this point.

Perhaps we'll look back at this when we're 85 and laugh about how silly this was. But for some reason, I'm much more comfortable being where we are now. Hardly acknowledging you is much easier than to be your friend. For when we're close, I just can't help not expecting you to act like a friend; or at least how I think a friend should behave. Being thoughtful and considerate at times was all I asked for. Maybe even that was asking for too much.

I think that's all I have to say. I expected this to be longer, but when I started typing away, I was somehow lost for words. It seems that there's nothing more to be said. You can say that I lost in this battle, for being the first to back out; or rephrase it whichever way, if it makes you feel better about yourself.

Take care.