wild lavender

today has been a strange day for me.

im not sure why do i feel this way actually. there's just this overwhelming sense of emptiness, inadequacy.

its not the first time. i've even gotten used to feeling this way. but for some reason today was just, different.

i thought i just needed some fresh air. i'm still really not used to this whole carpet deodorising scent. wild lavender it says, on the label. what a lie. which is why i got the gardenia and sandalwood diffuser.

your room smells like india, he said.

its ok. i like it this way.

then i went for a walk. in the rain.

theres this thing with rain drops that makes me feel like I'm being peeled off my sins. all the insanity and troubles just slowly dripping off with each step, leaving them laying on the pavement - wet and lonely.

but that wasn't what happened.

not today.

today, everything just felt really heavy. and stale.

i tried inhaling a breath of fresh air but it just smelled like bottled wild lavender.