burning pants

i think i lie a lot, and yet it never seems quite enough.

sometimes i tell myself that i should stop lying, once and for all. but then its not easy. i think I'm afraid that people won't like me once i stop lying. come to think of it, i never even realised how much i lie until a couple of hours ago when we were at lucky 7.

the night attendant there is this really bored guy. he's always asking funny questions out of the blue every time  we're there so i'll just assume that he's bored. anyways, the question of the day (or night) was "are you happy?" and without thinking twice i just answered "yes". honestly, i didn't care much about him. i didn't even care if i was happy at that moment or not. the only reason i said yes was because i thought that would hinder him from any further questions. you know how some people are funny funny. and there are those who are just plain... bored (?) i think he falls into the latter. or to me at least. who am i to say? maybe he's the life of the party among his friends. so back to the story, he then seemed happy with my answer and looked behind me and asked eugene the same question, to which he replied "i would be if i won the 21 million lotto jackpot" or something like that. i really don't care about the lotto or winning jackpots or anything to do with winning money.

and this got me thinking about how much eugene is always talking about buying the lotto and winning the prize money. then he'll turn to me and get me to join him in this little fantasy game about what we'll do if we had all that cash. and i always answer him the same thing - buy houses and collect rental, or put it in the bank and collect the interest, or something boring with mature-sounding words. that was when i realised I'm a liar.

i don't care about making more money with that money or whatsoever. i just say them because i think thats what he wants to hear. therefore I'm a liar, because i could've just been honest about how i was actually calculating in my head how many tubs of ice cream i could buy with 21 million dollars.

21, 000, 000 ÷ 8.90 = ?

that would only be applicable if there wasn't a promotion. or else it would be divided by 7 dollars.

or how many bottles of peanut butter i could get.

21, 000, 000 ÷ 5.98 = ?

or even how many pints of beer i could have.

but i don't think he'll understand. or anyone else for that matter.

they're probably gonna think that I'm stupid or immature or not thinking like an adult.

therefore i lie by giving them an adult like answer; by using words such as property, or bank, or investment, or organic.