how much longer?

so much had happened in this short period of time. at times i really wish that i could just give up on all this. just turn my back on all this. just pack up and leave.

no matter how much i try to just shut my eyes and ears on all that is going on, its almost impossible. i cant stand there and just see people i care about getting hurt this way. i hate being in this kind of situations. i hate knowing anything. i hate being there but wishing that i werent. i hate that im not strong enough to say that enough is enough.

sometimes i would rather choose to be selfish. then perhaps i wouldnt be in this situation.

i did try. i really did. i tried to shut my ears but the knocks on the door is just too much at times. no matter how long the songs are playing it still cant completely drown those knocks. then i hear it getting softer. so faint that i have to strain my ears to make sure if its still there. it is. its faint but its existence is too visible to be ignored.

its scary to think how ones irresponsible decision could cause so much chaos amongst their friends. its strong enough to even bring strain among the strongest of bonds.

after that night when i realized that theres only so much one can do to help, i thought that things would start to look up. but then it hasnt. apparently some people just dont get it.

as i was looking at the rolled up paper burn my troubled mind away, i realized that perhaps its time to stop. call me selfish, but i need to watch out for myself just like what the others are doing. theres no point getting hurt for nothing. there really isnt any logic in that. and i dont think its really worth all those sleepless nights.

i just hope that im doing the right thing. perhaps this is whats best for me and my sanity.