This is Not Another Depressing Post

Current mood: Proportianately stable
Listening to : OAR - Hey Girl

I didn't want to choke the readers with the depressing posts which I so often blog about and since I'm since I'm mentally stable for the time being, here's some better stuff to kill your lazy afternoons or insomniac nights with lar.

Have been currently on the works of Henry David Thoreau's Walden; or Life in the Woods & On the Duty of Civil Disobedience everytime I get to steal some time in between all the assignments that have been pouring in for the past four weeks and a half. I'm still on the first chapter which talks about economics but so far, it's been nothing short of thought provoking.

It was written in the 19th century and everything that has been put down is beyond my suprise of how it is still being practised till this very day; of how people still get so caught up in the economy cycle that it has played a vital role in civilization of men.

The author is an American philosopher who left everything he had and went to live in the woods by Walden Pond for two years plus as an experiment to see if it is possible to start off with literary nothing at all. From the building of his own settlings to the growing of crops to feed himself, he potrayed how economy actually cripple the souls of men.

In the beginning it did come off as from someone who was a bit of an extremnist who was all out against economy, but as the pages go by, you can't help but to see the logic side of it. Yes, I do admit that before this, I used to think that economy SHOULD be seen as something important in nation building and all that; but what does it all lead to in the end? Doesn't religion tells us that earthly possesions only brings us so far? Does it not say that it's the thing that binds the souls of men from finding eternal peace. How is it that men could find comfort in a palace when they're bound to the thought of having to pay for this fine hole? Is comfort the true and main reason for the "migration" from a simple dirt hole to a larger and more luxurious one? Or is it for the tempting thought of ourselves being above the others? As he quotes Chapman,

"The false society of men -

- for earthly greatness

All heavenly comforts rarifies to air."

Or a simpler and yet still somewhat similiar quote by Will Smith,

"Too many people spend money

they haven't earned, to buy

things they don't want,

to impress people they don't like."

Reading this books and seeing the world around me these days just makes it more depressing. But still, it is one of the most thought provoking book I've read so far so this is definitely one recommended reading. If you're interested in reading this as well, just leave me a message and your email address and i'll send you the pdf file. =)

24,903 Reasons Why I Hate Tuesday's Slot for Moral Studies but Only One Matters:-

Funny how some people stubbornly chose to live in a fantasy in their head rather than to be realistic about life. I'm having the need to rant out my anger somewhere so please bear with me for the next 10 minutes.

I've met a fair share of people from diverse backgrounds and cultures for the past two years of living outside on my own. Somehow uptill now, I still could not understand how is it that they would actually chose to just daydream their youth away. I used to think that it was a form of escapade to RETREAT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE to this fantasy realm. But for these people, this is definitely a far cry from what their intention is. In fact what they do is just LIVE PERMANENTLY in their head. They absolutely LOVE talking about what you can only see in a stupid Taiwanese teen drama; poor but for SOME REASON has a very cosmetic surgery-cally constructed face girl who stands up against the boybandish looking tai zi (rich ass kid whos dad probably owns the whole of Taiwan) who then gets impressed with her guts and fall in love and a whole bunch of tsunamical disasters and drama you could possibly think of in front of them which forbids them from being together and the guy goes against all the family riches he would one day take over of and kneels in front of the girl's mud hut or papan house and for SOME REASON the weather decides to just rain a whole dam's worth of rain and for SOME REASON he doesn't die from pneumonia but instead escapes death with just a flu and pale lips and touches the girl's heart so much that they just hug each other in the middle of the friggin' road! and for SOME REASON they suddenly get to live happily ever after!

Maybe I should just change my Moral Studies class to Thursday instead of Tuesday where the whole room is filled with these people. Not only does it make me feel intellectually challenged, I'm also worried that I might come to class the next day wearing hentai-looking school uniforms and biting my lower lips the whole day with my eyes looking like puss-in-boots from Shrek!

Which is definitely something I should avoid at all costs for I would just end up looking like donkey's failed attempt. +__________+

At times like these...

At times like these, I could only hope that I could understand people better. But everytime I take a step down this path, it only makes me so sad to see things the way they are. At times I wished that I wouldn't be so affected by it... but still, I'm just human. I hate the bugging feeling I get everytime I tell myself that; that I'm just human. It's as if I'm giving myself an excuse to just close one eye whenever I see all that is happening around me.

At times like these, I wished that I could just put down all this earthly possesions and burdens and just move into a different phase. Where things are not too uglily depressing. Everytime I hear that song, it either soothes me up; like a warm caress, or just pull me into deeper into all the despicable things going on.

At times like these, I wished that there was a clear answer to all these things. Like a For Dummies kind of handbook or something; whereby you just have to go through the index to be told on how to handle situations like these.

At times like these, I wished I could choose between being lonely without friends, or being unhappy and surrounded with people who doesn't even care. If things were clearly painted in black and white, then I wouldn't have to be drowned in this pool of greyness. I'm not sure of whether to be glad or not that the housemates have all gone back this weekend. It's good in a way as it allows me to have time to think about the past week without having any disturbances; like a welcoming solitary time. At the same time, I know how destructive this given time slot could be as well.

At times like these, I wished I had just one person to sit down and talk to. As much as I hate to say it, talking to people who just couldn't understand a single thing you're saying is just the same as leading yourself down to the path of suicide. I've been through that before. It wasn't a pretty sight. But at times like these, I have to admit that it still tastes like a very sweet and caressing temptation.

This semester had been pretty good for me. Despite the usual people I hate to be around with, at least it hadn't gotten so bad that I just want to bail and repeat the mistakes I've committed in the past. This time around, it's easier to stay focused and I owe most of that to Gary. If it wasn't for him, I doubt that I would still be hanging to whatever is left to be held on to.

From time to time, I still catch glimpses of that ugly side of me struggling to be released. But with the thought of those who truly cared, I hope that I could someday overcome this once and for all.

On second thought, solitude isn't such an ugly thing after all.