sacrilege

sometimes we make the mistake of violating the "special treatment" we get from others.

a wave of a hand; to brush it as a one off incident.

doesn't really matter how did we even get that laminated piece - or not.

just like how sometimes i say things or feel emotions that i wished i could take back; instead of displaying them so publicly.

this whole camaraderie, i would never dream of doing anything to jeopardize it.

please don't take my word for it - literally. it was probably from the stupor.

Of Yesterdays

Dear you,

How long has it been since we've really had a proper conversation? Funny isn't it? We could spend so much time with each other and yet not a word has been exchanged.

I know you've been going through some pretty rough patches for a while now. Even though you've been refusing to talk about it, I hope you know that the things you're finding solace in isn't a long term solution. Eventually, it will only worsen your own situation.

Remember the last time we spoke? Where I said that you shouldn't let the weight of the world hold you down? I'm sure somewhere deep inside, you still remember those words; even if you chose to ignore it. Although you might not want to admit this, but I know that you've been avoiding me because you know that i'll never be able to fully sympathize the issues that aren't even yours to begin with. The most I could do is to be empathetic about it; not because I don't care for you, but because I know that it's a habit that is eating you inside out that needs to be overcome.

Please remember that there are so many people around that genuinely cares for you. Even so, there is only so far they could come to carry you out from the darkness, you need to learn to accept the help just as well.

You know that i'll always be here for you.

I'll try to write to you everyday in this space.

Karen.

untitled

guess it was never completely buried.

4.03am

i've been trying to avoid depressing nonsense in here for quite awhile. somewhere along the way, i guess i've been putting myself in an almost complete state of denial. avoidance feels like the thin string that's holding all this flimsy bits and pieces together.

this is not a sad post

in another less than 48 hours, i'll be halfway onto a new journey. its been a funny concoction of feelings in the past couple of days. i wouldn't say that i'm sad, but i'm not entirely happy either.

in the past couple of years, life has taught me lessons through different kinds of experiences and challenges. right now, reminiscing the continuity of days since i left high school, i would say that i'm more thankful than anything else about all that God has placed in front of me. life hasn't always turned out the way i assumed/predicted it would be, but He has been taking care of me extremely well.

sometimes i have wished that i didn't have to go through certain stuff in this life, but at the same time, i wouldn't wished it all away either. as i'd said, God has been very kind to me indeed. albeit all the struggles that i've passed through, i know i've grown up in so many ways that i would never had managed to without all that has happened.

this time around, He made me realise how much love i have around me. be it from family or friends. and i'm extremely thankful and humbled by it. He showed me that no matter what, love is always around. sometimes we just have to look hard enough (at the right places).

when mom said that they wouldn't be able to send me off this wednesday, i wouldn't exactly say that i was devastated. in a way i was kinda glad actually. not that i don't wanna see them, just that i think i would be able to go with ease if i just left on my own. i'm not good when it comes to saying goodbyes. i just function that way, better i guess. perhaps it's because i'm so used to being on my own that when people show their care, i'm not sure how to handle the overwhelming feeling which comes with it.

i'm definitely gonna miss all that i'm leaving behind in this short period of time. but i also know that whatever lies ahead of this, i'm gonna embrace it the usual way i embrace new adventures - like the way a happy fat kid sees a nice meal.

just as the title says, this is not a sad post. my brain is just a tad too overwhelmed by all that is happening in this short span of time.

i've been spending the long weekends with a couple of close friends. friends that have changed me so much that they might not even realise it. they taught me that having people who genuinely care for you makes life's tough lessons so much easier to swallow. they taught me that it's perfectly fine to be cared for. they taught me that they are people who won't budge no matter how much you try to push them away. most importantly, they taught me that life is beautiful.

if this isn't a sad post, then perhaps this is a thank you note. thanking all the beautiful souls that have taken a bit of their time to share it with me, to walk with me in this journey we call life.

thank you. :)

haro boys and girls!

currently feeling:

ps: last ones for my dads kidneys.