wires

i have been contemplating on whether or not to write about this. in some ways im still unsure of it. perhaps im just feeling tired. a bit dissapointed perhaps. but most of all, i think im just seeking for closure.

a couple of days back i so happened to come across this line, "True friendship isn't being inseparable, it's being separated and nothing changes." maybe it was the push i needed to finally put this down.

ive always believed that i would never allow distance to come in the way of my friendship with the people that i hold close to my heart. im thankful that with two of my closest friends who left to study abroad, i havent been wrong.

no matter how long we havent kept in touch, we never ran out of things to say the moment we caught up with each other again.

the bottom line is, i probably took this for granted. always believing that the distance is just temporary. a geographical inconvenience. a small obstacle that would never be too huge to be a problem.

or so i thought.

couple of months back when i was talking to a friend, i couldnt help but realize the coldness. the sudden change from the familiarity that i had gotten much too comfortable with. she finally admitted that perhaps we're just living different lives now. about how we have a different set of lifestyles and friends. about how we dont share anything in common anymore.

it went on for quite a while. in a way i kinda just shut it off. i didnt want to listen to anymore of what she had to say. it was a bit too much for one night.

i consoled her and tried to put it off as the lack of communication. it was just her. nothing had changed. try to not overthink.

but truth be told, i wasnt quite the same around her after that night. after the things she said.

im not quite sure what happened. i guess something just went away that night.

much has been said and done throughout the nine months. its been a snowballing effect. its not an overnight change of heart. but i guess somehow i could still overlook all of it until that night.

i guess after that night, i kinda thought to myself "is this really how our friendship weighs to her?"

right now, even with a rough assumption of the consequences this post might bring, i still dont really know why did i choose to write this. i really dont. what do i expect to happen after this? i really dont know. all i know is that im tired of keeping this inside.

maybe im just over-reacting.

maybe its almost four in the morning.

maybe im just exhausted.

maybe im just not happy there anymore.