prozac

to be dependant is a blissful yet scary feeling. being answered to a dialing tone is something that i fear extremely. what has happened to me? it didnt used to be this way. there was always peace in writing and reading. right now my mind has made it a burden. an extremely tiring and exhausting burden. what has happened? it just didnt used to be this way. a first after such a long time, im seeing myself turning into someone dependant. and to know that there isnt one singled out person that i could fully rely on makes it even more painful and scary. what has happened? it definitely didnt used to be this way. im looking at myself getting more lost and confused each day. i want to stop this. but i just cant seem to find a way to do it. why am i still hanging on to this ghost? knowing very well that it cant go on this way. what used to be the solution is now shadowing who i really am inside. its as if im slowly losing myself in a whole new realm that i swore against from the very first time i recognized it. looking in that thin piece of silver and being mocked back. anything but welcoming. what has happened? 

its definitely not the cold of the night.