classified

when you stand before that thin layer of silver,

please tell me what do you see?

were your yellow bricks neatly laid?

or were you wondering if those pigtails

a pathetic attempt to cuteness

were 17degrees askewed?

do you know why you never got the whole truth?

it wasnt because they wanted to protect you

it wasnt because they cared for you

it was pathetic

they knew you couldnt take all those words

see what a test-drive could do to you

it really wouldve been more fun

if you were quicker

more intelligent

more challenging

youre just another boring player

in your pretentious badges and uniforms

bravado?

i accepted you once

you really shouldnt have said that

that one word just did it

it was all it took

you said you didnt need friends

thats what you thought

what if i told you the poison

its working

manusia sememangnya mempersonakan

waste my time! sial! its effing hilarious though to see how gullible you are. it was fun for a while. but not fun enough. 

times when you shouldnt be so alert.

i was just telling a friend the other day about how im feeling indifferent about the people around me. its not such a bad thing to do actually. sometimes its really out of the need to simply stay level-headed.

in the past couple of days, one of them came up to me in an attempt to tell me bout whats been going on recently. i just felt indifferent.

and then this morning, another one came and we talked. along that conversation there was a couple of questions i was being asked.

i dont know how to explain this in words, but for some reason, when i put two and two together, the picture couldnt have been any clearer. its crazy i tell you. the way my mind works. i hardly doubt my instincts/presumptions/any other words with the similiar affect because its not a once or twice thing. theres this thing in my head where i just naturally pay VERY CAREFUL attention to what people are saying to me and for some crazy reason, my mind just detects the randomly connected pieces and out comes the picture. i honestly wished that i wasnt so sharp when it comes to things like that. but now ive just learned to embrace that part of me.

i dont want to mention anything to anyone as i doubt it will benefit anyone in the end. however, i just hope that everyone will know what theyre getting themselves into and make the best out of it. heres to the hope of no one making the same mistakes they did in the past. perhaps at least think before you act. 

this is just too weird even for myself. just hope that everything will turn out well for everyone at the end of the day. okbabai.

Easter 1916

I have met them at close of day

Coming with vivid faces

Eighteenth-century houses.

I have passed with a nod of the head

Or polite meaningless words,

Or have lingered awhile and said

Polite meaningless words,

And thought before I had done

Of a mocking tale or a gibe

To please a companion

Aroung the fire at the club,

Being certain that they and I

But lived where motley is worn:

All changed, changed utterly:

A terrible beauty is born.

-W.B. Yeats.

train rides

sometimes i really wish that i was a lot stronger than this. that i wouldnt be so overwhelmed with emotions that all i want to do is just to sit there and cry. as much as i hate it when things like this happens, when how people always has this thinking that im capable of doing every damn thing. sometimes i wonder if this would happen to me if i were a son instead.

when i was in the train, all i could do was just to stop thinking bout what was it that brought me here; why is it that ive decided to just step away and take charge of the situation; why is it that im always treated in such a way. because at the end of the day, all these thoughts would only upset me even more. makes me complain about my situation. makes me be even more self-centred and keep turning in circles.

so at that moment when i was sandwiched between the endless throng of people, i just kept telling myself that its not such a big deal. i just have to do what i have to do and then sleep it off. its going to be alright again when i wake up. 

i know i could handle this. i just have to stop underestimating my own abilites and strenghts. life goes on. nothing is ever that big of a deal.