Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Once upon a time
This has been a place where i imagined what "plateau" would be like.
You're just bored.
You should know more people.
I have friends.
There's only so much they could do to keep me interested.
Honestly, they bore me, i thought to myself (quietly).
I believe in connection.
I believe in chemistry.
If you gel, you'll just gel, i said.
There was a time when i started questioning myself.
...then there were these two people.
Friends.
And i felt like i was home all over again.
Posted by karma victim at 11:04 PM 4 comments
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
north-east
its such a funny weather today, i said.
yea... i left the back window opened at work today. it was so soothing that i did everything so slowly. you know how when you're so used to working from behind a desk, then you start to be so slow at work... so slow at...
manual labour? i finished, questioningly.
yea... manual labour.
he then went on about the angry indian cab driver and how the guy who called in to the radio station won some tickets when he related the unfortunate tale of his broken penis which took a six-hour surgery to fix.
the last thing i remembered about the conversation was something about him coming to a conclusion of how he shouldn't have sex with skinny women, as to prevent his penis from breaking. just like the guy on the radio.
i then stubbed my cigarette and walked into the house, closing the door behind me.
it was like he never existed.
Posted by karma victim at 12:40 AM 1 comments
Monday, April 02, 2012
wild lavender
today has been a strange day for me.
Posted by karma victim at 8:31 PM 3 comments
Saturday, March 31, 2012
burning pants
i think i lie a lot, and yet it never seems quite enough.
sometimes i tell myself that i should stop lying, once and for all. but then its not easy. i think I'm afraid that people won't like me once i stop lying. come to think of it, i never even realised how much i lie until a couple of hours ago when we were at lucky 7.
the night attendant there is this really bored guy. he's always asking funny questions out of the blue every time we're there so i'll just assume that he's bored. anyways, the question of the day (or night) was "are you happy?" and without thinking twice i just answered "yes". honestly, i didn't care much about him. i didn't even care if i was happy at that moment or not. the only reason i said yes was because i thought that would hinder him from any further questions. you know how some people are funny funny. and there are those who are just plain... bored (?) i think he falls into the latter. or to me at least. who am i to say? maybe he's the life of the party among his friends. so back to the story, he then seemed happy with my answer and looked behind me and asked eugene the same question, to which he replied "i would be if i won the 21 million lotto jackpot" or something like that. i really don't care about the lotto or winning jackpots or anything to do with winning money.
and this got me thinking about how much eugene is always talking about buying the lotto and winning the prize money. then he'll turn to me and get me to join him in this little fantasy game about what we'll do if we had all that cash. and i always answer him the same thing - buy houses and collect rental, or put it in the bank and collect the interest, or something boring with mature-sounding words. that was when i realised I'm a liar.
i don't care about making more money with that money or whatsoever. i just say them because i think thats what he wants to hear. therefore I'm a liar, because i could've just been honest about how i was actually calculating in my head how many tubs of ice cream i could buy with 21 million dollars.
21, 000, 000 ÷ 8.90 = ?
that would only be applicable if there wasn't a promotion. or else it would be divided by 7 dollars.
or how many bottles of peanut butter i could get.
21, 000, 000 ÷ 5.98 = ?
or even how many pints of beer i could have.
but i don't think he'll understand. or anyone else for that matter.
they're probably gonna think that I'm stupid or immature or not thinking like an adult.
therefore i lie by giving them an adult like answer; by using words such as property, or bank, or investment, or organic.
Posted by karma victim at 8:40 AM 5 comments
Saturday, January 28, 2012
strange; thankful.
sanity being toyed.
many a times i've questioned myself if it was by you, or my own tolerance.
like all the other lessons in life, i believe that this too shall pass.
Posted by karma victim at 2:39 AM 0 comments
Friday, January 20, 2012
passing clouds
so there i was, of how it began with an evening of unexpected change of weather; drizzly followed by a calming tranquility - cycle and repeat.
it was like praying for a shower after a drought. desperate, yet hopeful. it was a funny concoct. perhaps it was the habit of getting used to the lack of; which made every drop more of a welcoming (for me, at least) change of the usual.
it was closing to the peak of summer.
that little circle; it was more of the exchanging of thoughts; thought provoking even, than it was of a competing ground (of a fight to the finish).
how much have i missed this place.
the lessons learned, the stories told - such is the journey.
funny how minuscule it all seems as we move slightly further from where we began.
"keep an open mind", they all say - but how much has it amount to, has so much more to be seen.
Posted by karma victim at 4:41 AM 0 comments
Saturday, November 26, 2011
sacrilege
sometimes we make the mistake of violating the "special treatment" we get from others.
a wave of a hand; to brush it as a one off incident.
doesn't really matter how did we even get that laminated piece - or not.
just like how sometimes i say things or feel emotions that i wished i could take back; instead of displaying them so publicly.
this whole camaraderie, i would never dream of doing anything to jeopardize it.
please don't take my word for it - literally. it was probably from the stupor.
Posted by karma victim at 8:14 AM 0 comments
Monday, November 21, 2011
Of Yesterdays
Dear you,
How long has it been since we've really had a proper conversation? Funny isn't it? We could spend so much time with each other and yet not a word has been exchanged.
I know you've been going through some pretty rough patches for a while now. Even though you've been refusing to talk about it, I hope you know that the things you're finding solace in isn't a long term solution. Eventually, it will only worsen your own situation.
Remember the last time we spoke? Where I said that you shouldn't let the weight of the world hold you down? I'm sure somewhere deep inside, you still remember those words; even if you chose to ignore it. Although you might not want to admit this, but I know that you've been avoiding me because you know that i'll never be able to fully sympathize the issues that aren't even yours to begin with. The most I could do is to be empathetic about it; not because I don't care for you, but because I know that it's a habit that is eating you inside out that needs to be overcome.
Please remember that there are so many people around that genuinely cares for you. Even so, there is only so far they could come to carry you out from the darkness, you need to learn to accept the help just as well.
You know that i'll always be here for you.
I'll try to write to you everyday in this space.
Karen.
Posted by karma victim at 1:25 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
4.03am
i've been trying to avoid depressing nonsense in here for quite awhile. somewhere along the way, i guess i've been putting myself in an almost complete state of denial. avoidance feels like the thin string that's holding all this flimsy bits and pieces together.
Posted by karma victim at 4:03 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
this is not a sad post
in another less than 48 hours, i'll be halfway onto a new journey. its been a funny concoction of feelings in the past couple of days. i wouldn't say that i'm sad, but i'm not entirely happy either.
Posted by karma victim at 2:38 AM 0 comments
Labels: a little bit of something something, memories, serenity
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
haro boys and girls!
Posted by karma victim at 5:16 PM 0 comments
Labels: mindless rambles, quick update
Thursday, December 02, 2010
1.55am
"I'm Coming Down"
Turn the lights out,
The party is over and the wines all gone,
Your good friends are headed home,
Wish I could be there,
I'm floating,
Was happy to hear you turned thirty-three,
You look good, you're so carefree,
Wish I could be there
But I thought you should know,
That inside I've grown cold,
And I fight every day to lose control,
It's a Saturday,
I'm coming down
Frustrated,
Got caught in the rain going to work today,
Soaked through for the job I hate,
I wish you could be here,
I'm choking,
Swallowed too much of my pride today,
The words that I just won't say,
I wish you could be here
But I thought you should know,
That inside I've grown cold,
And I fight every day to lose control,
It's a Saturday,
I'm coming down
For the first time, I've seen stars at night,
For the first time, I'm on fire
But I thought you should know,
That inside I've grown cold,
And I fight every day to lose control,
It's a Saturday,
I am going down,
It's a Saturday,
I'm coming down.
Posted by karma victim at 1:55 AM 0 comments
Labels: solitude
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
let me play among the stars
i'll be on the flight in another 25 hours and 20 minutes.
Posted by karma victim at 12:38 AM 0 comments
Labels: quick update
Thursday, September 09, 2010
wires
i have been contemplating on whether or not to write about this. in some ways im still unsure of it. perhaps im just feeling tired. a bit dissapointed perhaps. but most of all, i think im just seeking for closure.
Posted by karma victim at 3:08 AM 0 comments
Labels: solitude
10 things ive learned in the past nine months
1. everything happens for a reason.
Posted by karma victim at 2:50 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
silver part II
sometimes i wish i were an animal. roaming the grounds in search of what i need and only what i need - to sustain myself.
Posted by karma victim at 12:41 AM 1 comments
Labels: solitude
Friday, July 02, 2010
thank you
sometimes i wish that i could be one of those who could just walk away. realize that its not only no longer making you feel good but also bringing yourself down, and just walk away.
i dont want to see it as this. i do cherish the memories, but right now it feels like its the memories that are making me stay and turn a blind eye from what is happening right now.
anyways, on a happier note, im on a short trip to visit two friends. its funny how life always surprises us. like they say, you win some you lose some.
right now im feeling extremely blessed and grateful to all the people that He has brought into my life. extremely thankful to have the chance to cross paths with such good company of folks.
thank you victor for being such a good tour guide. thank you for introducing me to such a great bunch of friends. thank you for accompanying me everyday and making sure that ive had my daily dose of caffeine so that i dont get cranky and act like a spoilt brat.
thank you serena, jason, and matt for being so cool with the whole crashing over thing. thank you for putting up with me dancing and meowing in the kitchen, in the living room, in the dining room, and victor's moans and groans when i whack him. thank you for bringing me out and being my elder siblings whenever victor or matt bullies me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! matt i still want to kick your face everytime i see you!
thank you nhat and bae for bringing me out for food and coffee. thank you for feeding me and making sure that this fat kid/cat doesnt die of famine. thank you for the cooking. thank you for meowing with me everytime matt gives me the death stare.
thank you rachel and alvin for the delicious dinner. thank you for feeding me with pork. thank you sean and conrad for driving me around from the airport to freemantle and pizza! thank you ee voon for the bus card and teaching me how to not make cooking mama angry!
thank you leeyi for being so patient with me when im late. TWICE! im so sorry bout what happened at the city the other day. sorry for making you wait for an hour when youre already not feeling well. thank you for waiting for me AGAIN when we went to the city the second time around. thank you for introducing me to your housemates with awesome cooking skills. i hope things with you and him works out.
its still pretty early to write this but im just feeling really grateful throughout this whole week. will probably update this whole thank you note thing every week or everytime im feeling grateful. teehee.
i miss malaysia and the sun already!
Posted by karma victim at 5:02 AM 1 comments
Labels: a little bit of something something, more pork, pork, quick update, serenity, tonnes of pork.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
gary says "meow"
this feeling of frustration. frustrating and hopeless situation. why this? why now? "maybe because you havent touched a drop of coffee for the past two days" it said to me. me and my addiction for caffeinated liquid. thats a story for another day.
Posted by karma victim at 9:38 PM 2 comments
Labels: quick update
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
how now brown cow? part 2
Posted by karma victim at 5:18 PM 4 comments
Labels: a little bit of something something, people, serenity, solitude
Friday, April 02, 2010
how to cure sleep deprivation
Posted by karma victim at 8:39 AM 1 comments
Thursday, March 25, 2010
another step forward
despite all the anger, panic, frustration, exhaustion and tears, at the end of the day, deep down inside i know that it was all worth it.
Posted by karma victim at 8:40 PM 3 comments
Labels: quick update
why this strange feeling?
perhaps it was my mistake for underestimating it this time around.
Posted by karma victim at 1:04 AM 2 comments
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
being a nerd with the lousiest timing
its already 5.04am and im still doing my work. i have to hand in two drafts, one essay and on top of that, i have a quiz later that i still havent finished revising for.
Posted by karma victim at 5:05 AM 2 comments
Labels: quick update
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
bila dua orang gendut bersembang di msn
Posted by karma victim at 10:11 PM 3 comments
Labels: plain crazy, tonnes of pork.
Monday, March 15, 2010
how now brown cow?
i think i might be on the verge of completely losing my mojo for blogging.
Posted by karma victim at 9:03 PM 1 comments
Labels: quick update
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
leeching off medusa's wifi
good evening ladies and gentlemen.
Posted by karma victim at 9:03 PM 1 comments
Labels: quick update
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
womb
the last time i was here, i thought that the things that i was searching for, all the knowledge and senses, the reality that i had to someday face - myself, in a nutshell; i thought it could be found out there. out amongst the busy streets and neon lights. i thought i would come to see aspects of me in that concrete jungle. for some reason i almost always discover missing fragments of myself in the midst of chaos; more often than not.
Posted by karma victim at 1:58 AM 0 comments
Monday, January 18, 2010
note to self: stop reading chick lits.
The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions: Look at the list and put an ‘x’ after those you have read. Tag other book nerds.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling x
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee x (boo radley was probably one of the coolest characters during my pre-pubescent days! *nerd mode on*)
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens x
11 Little Women - Louisa May Alcott x
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller x
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier x
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (i got it during my 12th birthday from aunty fay and its still lying around somewhere T___T)
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger x
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll x
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens x
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen x
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (yes i know youve read this rave fml)
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden x
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (gave up before the curator died. i watched the movie though. hahahaha)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery x
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel (in progress)
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens x
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon x
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas x (one of my all time favourite author)
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville x
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens x
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker x
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens x
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker (watched the movie as well)
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom x (angelin loves mitch albom because it gave her the idea of calling those days where people treats her like 'dear aunt agatha' as 'thursdays with angelin' hahahahha!)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle x (hound of the baskervilles ftw!)
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton x
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery (watched the play organized by the bangsar soroptomist club and it made me cry fml)
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas x
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare x
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl x (didnt we love roald dahl, chanchal? hehehehe)
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
i only read slightly more than a quarter from that list and most of them was before i graduated high school. evidence to self that i have grown dumber over the years fml.
Posted by karma victim at 12:33 AM 2 comments
Labels: tags
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
je'taime mrs lai's cooking and bahau food
couple of weeks back, leeyi invited me over to her brothers wedding in her hometown. i know it sounds weird and all and how i was gonna turn up looking like a whole walking talking wedding crasher. hahahahahahha! i sort of had my doubts of having a great time and not feeling awkward but then that part of me who just wanted to dress up and meet up with leeyi after she left for perth and have nice food and mingle around with aunty-aunties kinda took over the part of feeling like a whole walking talking wedding crasher hahahahhaha wow this is a long sentence so heres a period.
but it was really fun! especially when i got to meet up with leeyi, leo and VICTOR after such a long time! but the part where it was the most enjoyable was probably where the three of us were walking around in our house clothes helping her parents with the preparation because as we all know only those who are really close with the wedding people get to walk around looking like crap and house clothes coz thats how we roll yo HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
in these three wonderful days, i was reminded of how truly blessed i was for having friends who still treats me like a million bucks eventhough im walking around damn confidently amongst all the dressed up relatives and aunty-aunties with my mr delicious tshirt with bite me on the back. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! like how we still love leo like a million bucks eventhough he looks absolutely ridiculous in some poor girls slippers with a huge ass lady bug on the straps and how we still love victor although he practically turned up (and stayed that way) wearing an XS singlet and board shorts and talking to little girls like a pedophile ("wow! youve got pretty big boobs for a 14 y/o girl) and wiping the chairs and working it like a lap dancer and reminding us every 2minutes about how hes gonna lap dance to all the uncle-uncles in front of their wives singing lady gaga's monster (he ate my ASS. he ate ate ate my ASS). yes despite all these we know we'll still love each other like a million bucks or even more like how we love a good bowl of hakka ham cha.
and let me tell you this people. lai lee yi's mother cooks the most amazing hakka ham cha and homemade kaya! its sooooo good that it deserves more than one 'o'! and the kaya is so good that i kept returning to the table for kaya! coz throughout the night i was just taking the kaya and eating them off the plate like how i would do to a bottle of peanut butter, and leeyi's popo saw me taking the kaya and she told me to take more of the dumplings that were supposed to go with the kaya and i just pointed at the otak-otak (which were also wrapped like the dumplings) on my plate and said "oo ok yea there! ive taken them already" and sheepishly walked back to our table hurhurhur.. i cant stop talking about mrs. lai's cooking lar. i just came back to pj in less than a day and im already missing it. T___T
leeyi really is the luckiest girl to have such a great family! eh im not patronizing ok! its true! her sisters are memang damn sporting! thank you miss lai for bringing me for supper after the wedding dinner and scrouging around the kitchen for snacks when i kept saying that im still hungry hurhurhur. i really cant help it that my stomach is a bottomless pit. she even took out a packet of bak gua (pork jerky) and told me to makan and dont have to shy shy and i thanked her by saying so nice lar your kitchen because in december also still got bak gua. i know i sounded like a total pig but as you all should know, quaint little hometowns are memang kryptonite to my diet plans. fml.
and then this morning around 8something while we were waiting for 2nd miss lai to wake up and go back to pj together, leeyi's dad asked us if we wanted to have milo or anything and i said its ok lar uncle. maybe later. its not because i was shy but because i needed my regular dose of caffeine and savoury malaysian-style breakfast. im not a milo-drink-for-breakfast kinda girl. for goodness sake you look at my tummy then you sure can tell ady one lar but maybe leeyi's dad wasnt paying attention on my tummy so he couldnt tell what kind of breakfast person i was. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!! uncle lai im just kidding ok?
see lar. i really miss bahau so much already.
thank you lai lee yi and your lovely (do people still use this word? HAHAHAHAHA) family. i really enjoyed myself immensely during my stay there. =)
Posted by karma victim at 2:07 AM 2 comments
Labels: breakfast, people, tonnes of pork.